Let me just start by saying that being a girl sucks ass at times. It really does. Girls like me always end up having feelings for someone. No matter how hard I try to fight them. This summer I've done everything to try and forget feelings I have for certain people but it is totally impossible. Tom Cruise himself could not fix this. Swimming doesn't fix it, friends don't fix it, hugs don't fix it, and certainly Dr. Mc Dreamy himself (who we have here at camp right now.....but that's a totally different story) could not fix this. He helped a bit yesterday though. We had a conversation about how men and women do not understand each other. How we are so completely different. And its true. Women need to feel loved. They need to feel secure. And most importantly, they hate to be hurt. And boys like to hurt girls feelings...although most of the time I'm sure they don't even know they're doing it.

Yesterday I was hurt. For some reason or another I felt hurt by something someone said. It may sound stupid, and maybe I have no reason to feel this way, but I do. And I feel so helpless. I wish that feelings could be just squished in a ball and thrown away....more than anything I wish it was that easy. But it's not. Unfortunately these things linger in the corner of your gut and make you feel physically nauseated.

I get all these inspiration notes from people at camp telling me how great a job I'm doing and how my smile and patience is something we should all have....how I just might be the nicest person they've ever met....all these little things are great to hear at times. They really bring a person up. So many people see this but why is it that the one person you want to notice it the most turns a blind eye to it. This is kind of a sappy blog but I think it's just one of those days. The days to come are going to be much better.

So I'm still trying to figure out how this entire blog thing actually works. Once I accomplish that then I can actually get to writing something meaningful on here.....if anything on here is ever really meaningful.

So I got home from camp last night and I have to go back tomorrow for 6pm. It seems like such a short period of time but I'm already missing it. I was not prepared for what I was coming home to after the five weeks I just finished. And it took me just one day of returning home to actually recognize just how much good being up north for the summer is doing for me. I feel horrible for saying what I'm about to say and I hope nobody judges me for it but here it goes anyway. Two months ago when I was working at the home depot and living in the basement, there were so many days where I feared getting out of bed. There were more times than normal where I did not want to face another day. I was so unhappy. And everyone around me noticed it while I sat there and denied it. I denied it because I thought that I was happy. Somewhat happy anyway. Until I moved away.

Moving away is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I say it all the time and I'll keep on saying it. CAMP IS GREAT. I work from 745am until about 10pm everyday and I'm on call all the time. And every morning when my alarm goes at 715am I have no hesitation when getting out of bed. I have no negative thoughts about what the day is going to be like. I actually look forward to it. I have never been so dedicated to something in my life. But this I am. I run the health center and it is very stressful for me at times, but I still love it so much.

Because of this change, I have finally had the opportunity to eliminate all the bad things in my life that were bringing me down and focus on the positive things that are going to help me live a healthy life.